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Dear Christians…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 9, 2013 by synabetic

I wrote this bit starting it out as a Facebook post at first. Then, as the Rantingness hit me, it grew and grew. As you can see, it isn’t meant to be demeaning, judgmental, or even very controversial. I reckon it’s also not very finished, and I keep seeing what more I could add to it. In fact, I would say this is one of the more positive things I’ve written as of late. Feel free to weigh in on the comments, if you like. I enjoy differing worldviews and opinions, for it makes my own all the more interesting and, well, enjoyable. Cheers!

Update: Based on some feedback, some wonderful and some downright fucking stupid, I have added this bit. Okay, first, this piece clocks in at 1900 words, give or take (that’s including the intro bits). If you find that to be long, well, I can’t help you. I’ve also lost a little respect for you in regards to your reading ability, but I can see why you may be busy– but what are you doing here then? If my thoughts and feelings are TL;DR, you are welcome to take your eyes elsewhere. Go on. Git. (I am kidding in my tone, but serious in my suggestion. I also love kitten pictures. Why am I writing this? I should be looking at cat videos!)

As for the title. It stays. I think it’s perfect just the way it is. It’s deceptive– and that’s the point. If you don’t like that, you are not a part of my demographic, so to speak. You may enjoy kitten pictures, which are straight up obvious and hella cute. Go find some.

And this is not an article. I know it technically is an article in that it’s a collection of words or whatever, but when one says “article” I assume you mean “news article” or something to do with facts or something. This is a blog post. It’s op-ed. Kinda. It’s not even fully completed, really, and is just a bit of a ramble. It’s meant to be funny and give people an insight into who I am and how I think at times. Agree, disagree, dress up like a polar bear; I don’t give a shit. Though if there IS this much confusion, I have failed as a writer and comedian and for that I apologize.

Actually, I don’t think I’m touching the fucking stupid feedback.

Oh. Shit. Around 2100 words. I hope that’s okay! /snark

Dear Christians,

Stop acting like people are attacking you personally whenever Christians are mentioned in a negative light, are mocked, or joked about, but then not take any responsibility for all the atrocities Christians have done for centuries.

Know who I blame for those atrocities? Not you (right??? Please tell me you aren’t committing atrocities). But when every attack on your particular corner of faith has to be an attack on you, my internal logic doohickeys tell me that you must also be okay with taking responsibility for the horrors Christianity has visited on humanity for so long.

And holy shit, guys, THE HORROR.

Even today, THE HORROR.

So, you see, a little venting and mockery happens. Maybe even a little bit of “WTF”, but that isn’t directed at everyone who happens to be a part of the most popular faith in the world. And when you include all Abrahamic faiths, pretty much the vast majority of religious people in the world. I know, I know, you have a point about atheists and Stalin or something. That’s cool. I suppose a religion built around persecution and martyrdom does indeed invite that kind of thinking. It’s not about you, though– shit, doesn’t your religion say that or something… and it’s taken advantage of by–

I apologize, I’m getting off topic, and this isn’t about insulting you, dear Christian friends.

Unless you are living someplace where Christians are actively sought out for slaughter (and have no Rambo to save you / lament your murder), you have won. Just by accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. You are on the winning team. Atheist groups really aren’t out to destroy you, and, honestly, if you’re reading this, you’re probably one of the good ones. By “good ones” I mean the majority of you. Because, dear Christian friends, no one here hates you personally.

Oh, sure, some atheists might hate you, but they are exceptions. Hey, that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? “Don’t hate me. Not all Christians are like that guy.”

Oh, I know. I also know there are many kinds of Christians. I also know, and accept, that you might have a hard time thinking like I do, where I don’t see any nominal relation to other non-theists. Other than that they are fellow human beings– like you– of course. And because you may not be able to relate to me in terms of thinking doesn’t mean I’m smarter than you or whatever. It just means we’re different.

Now, I’m totally cool with you being different. That’s what life is all about, I feel. However, you don’t get to order me to accept you, to love you, and then you turn around and judge me.

Why is that, by the way? You judge me, while I am not allowed to judge you. You violate every single law and commandment supposedly handed down by your god on a daily basis, and yet I must pay for those sins… when I don’t even believe in your god? When I think in my heart of hearts that your god doesn’t even exist?

No, not even as a space alien. Terribly sorry.

But I must allow for you to live your life, be free to worship as you wish, while you curtail my rights– my very rights as a human being?

I do say “you”, and many of you are saying “Uh-uh, not me”. Trust me, I like that. I like the fact that I have wonderful religious friends of many different faiths and styles of thought. But some of you are “you” and you don’t even know you do it.

When you tell me to be above “mocking religious people”, you are telling me how to act. Am I hurting anyone? Does an Easter Zombie Jesus joke really piss YHWH off or something? Will this desert war god of yore come at me, wielding YOR: Hunter from the Future as a club?

Wait.

I bet some of you religious folks just said “Ha! Ridiculous!” You now have a go-to example of “irony” to rely on for any future grammar/writing needs.

Anyhow, I will admit that it is incredibly difficult to tackle this subject without sounding like a condescending asshole. And see, that’s how I hear every single Christian, or any religious person for that matter, when they try to “Godsplain” things to me. I work very hard to stuff that completely unfair feeling down, fighting every instinct in my body telling me “Oh, go fuck yourself”.

Originally, this was going to be a short Facebook post, but then I felt the need to start explaining and qualifying things, as I don’t want to unnecessarily upset anyone out there. I like to think I’m a nice person, just as you like to think you’re a nice person. I love the idea of us being nice people together. True, I get wary around fundamentalists of any sort, because all y’all fundies make it a point to eradicate people like me. We might cause someone to doubt. To think. To feel something you don’t want them to feel.

And you know what? That’s a good thing. On more occasions than would make you comfortable have religious friends of mine had crises of faith, and instead of leaping on them like some kind of atheism date-rapist, I helped them through their ordeal, never encouraging them to give up their faith.

If your faith is between you and your god, and I don’t believe in your god, who am I to tell you to stop believing in a god or gods or whatever. That’s like saying “Butter pecan ice cream is terrible– no, I have never had it… I DON’T EVEN BELIEVE BUTTER PECAN ICE CREAM TO BE REAL.”

Your faith is yours. It’s simply not mine. Do you see what I’m getting at here?

As such, I see squabbling among faiths kinda like squabbling over video game platforms, or what the best horror movies are, or what tabletop roleplaying game systems are best. I see it has rather interesting, but also rather trivial and inconsequential. That’s not to belittle you, dear Christian. Nope. Not one bit. But please understand that when I see religious people killing each other over religion, or me getting beaten up because I’m not into Jesus, well, it’s just as insane to me as someone who’s into Warhammer Fantasy Role-Play murdering kids who play Dungeons & Dragons… and then, after that, they murder all the first edition WFRP people and start getting ready to bomb those “crazy WFRP 3rd edition fuckers”.

It makes no real sense to me. And I want no part of it. This is why I feel religion MUST stay out of government. Especially now that it’s no longer the 14th century. Just because the government isn’t a theocracy doesn’t mean you you won’t be protected. In fact, who better to protect you than someone who has absolutely no horse in the religious race? Hmmm? Think about it.

I could go on and on and on, and I’m pretty sure we’ve already heard it all before from someone else. Hopefully someone else nicer and less bitter than I am.

In summation: Relax. People will mock your religion. Shit happens. People get mocked for all kinds of things. If it’s silly mocking, though, you need to get your hand off that execution scimitar and simmer down (scimitar down?). There are those who make a lot of money off of your respective religions who will get you all riled up and angry, and I beg your to remember that they’re doing it solely to get your minds off of the fact that they are stealing your money. Right now. Hup! There goes more of your money. Sorry.

If you wish to take offence at everything said about Christians you deem negative, then you must stop cherry picking your history so much. Ah, yeah, I know. What sucks about the China and Stalin examples is that lack of belief in a deity does not a belief structure make (e.g. “You had no pants on when you killed those people? Everyone who doesn’t wear pants… is a brutal killer!); however, you already have a belief structure going. I’m all about you folks cherry-picking your faith and your faith’s history for the good things– don’t get me wrong.

I don’t hate you. How… how can I? I might not even know you. You could have gotten a link to this from someone I don’t even know. Maybe even aliens or something. But I cannot hate those I do not know, which is why I keep giving Christians and other religious peoples chance after chance after chance after chance… and I am actually rarely disappointed. Oh, sure, there are tons of people who I can think of who totally suck at being a part of their religion– a personal favorite being the fundamental Christian business owners I have known throughout my life who always turn out to be greedy and a little evil– but overall, you lot have a pretty good track record with me.

My father told me all growing up “Don’t be an asshole” decades before Wil Wheaton told everyone “Don’t be a dick”.  It’s one of life’s golden rules. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Weirdly, my dad told me that sort of thing as a kid, though most of the time he’d say “jerk” instead of “asshole”, but by the time I was seven, I knew he meant “asshole”.

I won’t even start getting into how I felt when I figured out I have an asshole, and yet my biggest hero told me and others to not be an asshole. Very confusing to Little Steve, dad!

I also realize that this can be applied to anyone, to just about anything, with just about any religion or belief structure. I have gone a bit off my original point… just meandering around and trying to salvage some more “feel good” for this entry.

If I ever do say anything which offends you, dear Christians, please let me know. I’ll explain why I said whatever it is, as I am wont to do. But I do ask you respect my right to say and believe what I want, too.

Thank You and Be Well Always,
Steve

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