15 Reasons to Not Date a Writer

After reading this bit over at eHarmony called “15 Reasons to Date a Writer“, linked via various social media outlets, I immediately thought about it and posted about it over at my Facebook; complete with 15 points of my own.

I post it here for posterity. My partner says that it’s also 100% accurate… pertaining to me, at least.

While the post over at eHarmony is all well and good, with the good should come the bad.

1. Your writer pet drinks, loves to drink, and is a raving drunk or depressed drunken twat. Or, she/he is a teetotaler and seems like the anti-fun at parties (unless they are talking about themselves).

2. Writers are full of wonderful opinions! AND THEY ARE THE BEST OPINIONS, SO YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED MOUTH.

3. Writers are angry. Or sad. Or sangry. They are always hungry…

4. …so, writers will eat all of your food.

5. They will also drink all of your booze. DO NOT TOUCH THEIR BOOZE OR NON-BOOZE CANDY IT’SALLTHEYHAVEOHGAWDWHATHAPPENED

6. Writers are depressed.

7. Writers hate you. No, wait. They love you. Hate you. Love you. Hate you.

9. Writers are confusing because they think it adds to their mystique… and hey, it’s one way to exploit a mild mental illness for booze ducats, right?

10. Writers will use words that make them smirk and have you roll your eyes. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

11. Writers are vulgar beasts.

12. All writers think all writers are like them.

13. All writers are sad that they cannot art. Those writers who can art are sad because non-art skilled writers laugh at them and spit whiskey on their lesser writing skills.

14. Writers are assholes. They also fart in public–OR– they are terrified to fart in public because they don’t want their over-inflated sense of self-worth to be scrutinized or mocked.

15. Writers often project. Yes, this is supposed to have multiple layers of meaning and word-play because this list is written by a writer.

This probably all goes well with the “15 Reasons Why You Should AND Shouldn’t Date An Editor” list.

All in all, writers are creative people, and with all creative people comes creative issues. Some people have quarterly issues, and others require bi-weekly subscriptions.  Plus, it’s all a matter of taste in the end. My hope is that my partner doesn’t drop me like a sack of radioactive potatoes, but with hope comes work. When the work becomes too much, the work becomes work in of itself, turning into a horror show that would only entertain someone who has been squirreled away in an Eastern European mountain range for twenty years, with nothing to entertain them other than a limitless supply of cherry Kool-Aide and magazines concerning stereo repair from the 1980’s.

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2 Responses to “15 Reasons to Not Date a Writer”

  1. I’m obsessed with how much this rocks. My husband had no idea what he was getting into when he married me. Right now I’m nailing the sangry part of writing.

    • Hey, thanks! 🙂

      I like to call the cocktail that results from sangry-ness “Sangrynia”. It is sickly sweet at first, full of sulfates that will make your cheeks burn; but becomes bitter very quite quickly. Not that it matters, because a writer drunk on Sangrynia doesn’t give one iota of one fuck… until later. Then they have a mix of relief and remorse… or a “hangover” as I call it.

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