Finally! An Update: Just Ask Any Astronaut

Doesn’t mean a thing.” — Skinny PuppyDeath

Howdy, folks. It’s been a little while since I updated this blog I started. Don’t worry, I’m still working on Depressalin. Life has taken a strange turn as of late, and I’ve been busy getting things in  order.

You see, as I live, learn and grow I catch myself wanting to edit and tweak my Depressalin project. Take my opener for Chapter Zero, for instance. Harsh, eh? Too harsh, I think. While I feel Charon certainly destroyed my life as I knew it at the time, we’ve been getting along as best we can lately and I have made an effort to be civil, friendly and cooperative. This makes “My ex-wife is a brutal whore” a bit too much. I don’t think changing it to something softer will devastate the tone I’m trying to convey much– if at all.

Basically, this is all about change. I’ll be going back and changing things as I see fit. I like the fact I can make my personal creative process open for all to see. Sure, it’s vain. It’s ego. It’s selfish.

Hey: It’s me.

Life has also thrown me a few curve balls lately, too. Until recently, I was in what was a great relationship that turned into a disintegrating exercise of emotionally confusing oblivion. I’d like to say I don’t know what happened; but I do. And since Ivy (her choice of name for Depressalin) or our friends might read this, I should currently keep details low, as it’s all still pretty fresh. Wounds are like that. They’ll heal eventually, and we’ll all move on completely, high-five and joke about it later. Right now, though, Ivy would probably like to see me– or whatever’s left of me after the sledgehammering– zipped up in a body bag. It’s weird, though, as while I might have been too clingy there at the end, I really was only interested in maintaining a friendship. But certain people need lots of space… and certain people just don’t want to hear what they probably need to hear. Fair enough. Not everyone is me.

You poor, poor bastards. Because being me is fucking awesome.

After a couple months of trying to maintain being friends with Ivy and pissing her off unintentionally every which way (to be fair, everything I did seemed to piss her off) we simply ceased to communicate. It’s too bad, too, because despite whatever issues she may have, I truly believe her to be a wonderful human being. An awesomely wonderful human being. Someone I really cared for and loved. But things fell apart. It’s just how the cookie, or relationship, crumbles.

Just ask any astronaut: Space is good.

I won’t lie, either. I’m no angel. I suppose I need to be with someone who likes to talk about their feelings instead of just bottling them up and murder-fuck-kill snapping occasionally. As you have noticed, I enjoy talking. I enjoy all aspects of communication; bad, good or otherwise. So all that leads up to the last couple of months, me learning to let go and try to be happy for myself, by myself and only myself. And then… more curve balls.

I decided dating would be a fun option. Because, you know, nothing helps keep your mind occupied like throwing yourself into work and dating. Meeting various awesome women has been a fun experience and just when I thought being a cynical motherfucker of a bachelor was the most neat-o thing since nuclear-powered sliced bread, I meet someone who’s so fucking amazing, I get a tad flustered merely thinking about it even a little bit.

While both of us feel that taking it slow is probably the best rational option, there is indeed a temptation to rush things. Ah, but this has happened before in recent year-cycles. Twice. One I ended up marrying who became the catalyst for what you’re seeing right fucking now; and the other went from holy-shit-awesome to heartbreaking misery in the course of around two weeks… then the resulting gut-wrenching shit parade lasted for another four months. I suppose I can be proud of the fact that we lasted over a year right? Ha! And Charon was great for a few years, too, but we were so non-compatible at our very cores that comedy writers will have decades of material should I feed the stories of our marriage to them.

Yeah, I think two rushed relationships practically back to back is goddamned enough. But being with someone who makes me feel like a King of Men is pretty damned cool, I must admit. I know how this sort of dance always starts, but I am pleased with the fact that unless something extinction-event-level catastrophic happens, we can always talk and be friends first.

We’ll see, I guess. I’ll remain chipper and optimistic about it. Might as well be optimistic about something, yes?

Another item I will try to be optimistic about is being on good terms with Ivy again. She really was my best friend and losing her as a friend hurt much, much more than losing her as a lover. I still hurt about it. Especially how it all just broke apart not that long ago in a rough, nasty fashion. I attempted to be as cool as possible, but when everything I say seems to be poison, there comes a time when I just need to shut the fuck up and let her be.

As for Charon, I’ll probably never be friends with her again. We have too much bad history now, and I don’t think I can ever forgive her for all the shit she put me through. That said, it doesn’t mean I have to hate and be unkind towards her. Besides, if it wasn’t for Charon, Depressalin would have never happened.

Just think about how horrible that would be.

Besides (again), without Charon I would be short two of the most important people in my life… our boys.

I’ll get some more of my book in progress up soon for reading enjoyment purposes (or, conversely, so you can point and laugh at me… maybe enjoy it AND point and laugh at me).

Until next time, be good to yourselves. And your livers.


One Response to “Finally! An Update: Just Ask Any Astronaut”

  1. […] For your convenience, here are the other chapters in order: Chapter Zero Chapter One Chapter Six  Chapter Seven “I’m Not Really a Writer” Blog Entry: Just Ask Any Astronaut  […]

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